George Carlin
American · 1937–2008
American stand-up comedian and social critic whose razor-sharp observations on language, politics, and human folly made him a counterculture icon.
Wikipedia ↗“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
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“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
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“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a "common purpose." Because pretty soon they have little hats.”
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“The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
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“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
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“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
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“But there's a reason. There's a reason. There's a reason for this, there's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never, ever, ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got. Because the owners of this country don't want that. They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking.”
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“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
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Widely misattributed to both Carlin and Mark Twain. The sentiment dates back to Proverbs 26:4 and similar proverbs. No substantive evidence links it to Carlin.
“Don't just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”
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